


Buffy’s Seven Drunken Nights.

by steeleye



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), Tradition Music
Genre: Gen, Humour?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27522148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steeleye/pseuds/steeleye
Summary: This is the story of ‘Seven Drunken Nights’, but I only had to write about five of them… An unlikely tale of Buffy, Dawn, magic, alcohol and sex…‘As I went home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be…’
Relationships: Dawn Summers/Spike





	1. Chapter 1

Buffy’s Seven Drunken Nights…but we’re only allowed to write about five of ‘em.

By Steeleye.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the ButVS or this traditional song which I first heard sung by ‘The Dubliners’ many, many years ago. I write these stories for fun not profit.

 **Crossover:** BtVS with the traditional song, ‘Seven Drunken Nights’.

 **Spelling, Grammar and Punctuation;** Written in glorious UK-English (the original and best) which is different to US-English.

 **Timeline:** BtVS; post Season Six, per Season Seven (sort of). 

**Words:** Five chapters each of about 1000+ words.

 **Warnings:** Some readers may find this story a little ‘icky’ in places.

 **Summary:** This is the story of ‘Seven Drunken Nights’, but I only had to write about five of them… An unlikely tale of Buffy, Dawn, magic, alcohol and sex…‘As I went home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be…’

0=0=0=0

**Monday.**

_As I went home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be.  
I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be.  
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me,  
Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be?_

It’d been a bad night in Sunnydale. Buffy had gone on patrol straight from work at the Double Meat Palace and had been caught up in a fight at ‘Willie’s Demon Bar’. Not unsurprisingly the fight resulted in the more or less complete destruction of the bar’s interior and the serious wounding of Willie himself.

Once Buffy had chased off the last few surviving demons and Willie had been taken to the Emergency Room, she found herself alone in the ruined bar. Picking up a mostly undamaged stool she sat down next to the bar and started to remember how crap her life had become since her mother had died and her own resurrection from the grave.

Her mind full of dark thoughts she absently picked up an unbroken bottle and looked at the label, ‘Virgin’s Water’ it said. Buffy frowned, it didn’t look like Virgin’s Water; whatever virgin’s water looked like. It looked sort of thin and pale yellow. Intrigued Buffy pulled the stopper and sniffed. Surprisingly it didn’t smell too bad; standing up she reached over the bar and found an unbroken glass. Pouring herself a stiff jolt of the vaguely yellow liquid, she sat back down and sipped cautiously at her drink…not bad, she thought.

0=0=0=0

**A couple of hours later.**

Weaving an erratic course along Revello Drive, Buffy staggered a little as she came to an uncertain halt outside her house. Turning on to her driveway she almost fell over the motorbike that was parked there. Recovering she took a step or two backwards, squinted and tilted her head a little to the left (she’d found she could see better that way). Buffy was almost sure the bike didn’t belong in her drive, she didn’t have any recollection of ever buying or riding a motorbike…they were dangerous, or so her mother had warned her. A big tear rolled down Buffy’s cheek and a loud sob escaped her lips at the thought of her mom. 

The thoughts of her mother made Buffy sigh sadly, as she wiped at her tear stained face with the back of her hand. She missed her mom…but maybe her mother had left some booze lying around the house somewhere! Smiling at the idea of more drink, she soon found herself frowning once more when her eyes fell on the motorbike. Staggering on past the bike, she climbed the three steps in front of the house (on the third attempt) and searched her pockets for her keys. After checking all her pockets, (twice) she finally found them in the first pocket she’d checked. Next she took a couple of minutes to find the little hole that the key fitted into before eventually opening the door and falling into the hall.

Swaying gently back and forth Buffy checked out the hall, after deciding that it was indeed her home she kicked the door closed behind her. Looking left and right she found both the dinning room and living room lights switched off, the only light appeared to be coming from upstairs.

“DAWN!?” Buffy called a little too loudly; she giggled and ‘ssh-ed’ herself, before calling again, more softly this time, “Dawn?”

Holding on to the banisters, Buffy peered up the stairs; was that voices she could hear? Just as she’d decided that there was something odd going on, Dawn appeared at the top of the stairs; she looked down at her sister as if agitated and nervous about something.

“Sorry, Dawnie,” Buffy hiccupped and giggled, “were you getting into bed?”

“NO!” Dawn stopped re-buttoning her blouse, “Umm, I mean yes…”

“Good!” Buffy replied emphatically, “It’s a school night, right?” Buffy thought about what she’d just said and giggled like a six-year-old, “School night, right,” Buffy fixed her sister with a vague smile, “that rhymes, right?”

“Um, yeah, right,” Dawn frowned and took a couple of steps towards her sister, “um, Buffy, are you like, okay?”

“Yeah,” Buffy smiled dreamily up at her sister and started to swing from side to side as she hung onto the bottom of the banisters, “just stopped off an’ had a little drinkies or two on the way home.”

“Oh,” Dawn sighed with relief, “that’s okay, like I’ll go back to bed.”

Dawn turned to go as Buffy concentrated really hard, there was something she’d wanted to ask Dawn.

“Hey Dawnie?” Buffy called as Dawn disappeared from view, in an instant the younger girl was back again.

“Yeah!?” Dawn cast an urgent glance towards her bedroom door.

“Why’s there a motorbike in the drive?” Buffy had remembered what she’d wanted to ask.

“Motorbike?” Dawn glanced at Buffy then back at her bedroom door, “W-what do you mean, motorbike?”

“I mean, like a big honking motorbike,” Buffy started to climb the stairs only to be confronted by Dawn as she hurried down them.

“Lets go see,” Dawn deftly caught hold of her sister’s arm, turned her around and pushed her towards the front door.

Opening the door the two young women stepped out onto the porch.

“There,” Buffy pointed triumphantly, “motorbike!”

Sniffing at her sister’s breath, Dawn inhaled and smiled.

“Just how much did you drink?” she asked her sister sternly.

“Not a lot,” Buffy pouted, before adding guiltily, “well not really, not in the great scheme of things…”

“I think you’d better go straight to bed!” Dawn wagged her finger at her big sister.

“Hey, look,” Buffy was confused, “aren’t I supposed to be the one that tells you off?”

“Look, Buffy,” Dawn gestured sadly towards the motorbike, “that’s so not a motorbike, its, like Xander’s old peddle bike,” Dawn sniffed dejectedly, “he lent it to me for the day.”

Sobbing loudly, Dawn turned and ran back into the house.

“Dawnie!” Buffy started to follow her sister, “I’m sorry!”

Glancing over her shoulder Buffy grimaced, it sure looked like a motorbike. But why would Dawn say it wasn’t? Buffy got back into the house as Dawn disappeared up the stairs again.

“I’m sorry Dawnie,” Buffy cried once more, although she wasn’t too sure what she was sorry for; she heard Dawn’s bedroom door slamming after her.

“Darn!” Buffy sat down on the stairs and wondered at what a terrible sister she was…but it really had looked like a motorbike.

_Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see.  
That's a lovely cow that me mother sent to me.  
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more  
But a saddle on milk cow, sure I never have seen before._

0=0=0=0


	2. Chapter 2

**Tuesday.**

_And as I went home on Tuesday night, as drunk as drunk could be.  
I saw a coat behind the door, where my old coat should be.  
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me,  
Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be?_

Feeling a little ashamed of herself after her behaviour of the previous night, Buffy once again went on patrol straight after her shift ended at the DMP. How could she have mistaken a motorbike for Xander’s old peddle bike? Whatever, she sighed, the bike had been gone by the next morning; now all she had to do was prove to Dawn that she wasn’t a lush.

While on patrol, Buffy spotted a female vamp and gave chase. The vamp had run into a bar and then into the women’s rest room. Here Buffy eventually cornered her and staked her. Leaving the restroom, she happened to notice Xander sitting in the corner of the bar staring morosely at a bottle of beer. Thinking that he looked like he needed cheering up and perhaps she should thank him for lending Dawn his old bike, Buffy wondered over and sat down at the table with him.

He offered her a beer and before Buffy knew what had happened and where the time had gone, one beer had led to another and it was closing time. Waving a cheery goodnight to Xander, Buffy weaved her way through the streets of Sunnydale until she found herself once again standing and swaying gently back and forth outside 1630 Revello Drive.

“Ooops!” she giggled when she realised what she’d done…again.

Darn it, Buffy cursed, she’d come home drunk again what would little Dawnie think? Taking a deep breath and making a mental note to buy some breath mints, she marched up to the front door. Getting the key into the lock on the second attempt Buffy walked into the hall. Closing the door behind her, she heard a strangled cry and a sound like the ‘thump’ of a body hitting the floor, come from the living room.

“Dawnie?” Buffy walked cautiously into the living room; if any creature of the night was messing with her sister they’d better watch out.

“BUFFY!” Dawn jumped up from the couch and turned to face her sister, she seemed to notice something, looked down at herself and rapidly turned her back on Buffy.

“What’s wrong?” Buffy started to walk across the room towards Dawn who appeared to be hurriedly fastening up her jeans.

“Nothing!” Dawn turned to face Buffy as she brushed some hair away from her eyes, she smiled nervously, “Everything’s fine...honestly.”

“Yeah, okay,” Buffy replied slowly; she noticed how her sister’s hair was all mussed up, how her blouse wasn’t tucked into her jeans properly and how she had maybe one or two more buttons undone than perhaps she should. “What’ve you been doing?”

Turning, Buffy started to take off her jacket to hang it up in the hall. Walking up to the coat stand by the front door she noticed the black leather duster that was hanging there.

“Did Spike come around?” Buffy asked innocently.

“Sp-Spike!?” Dawn squeaked, “N-no, no Spike,” Dawn smiled guiltily, “I mean, what would Spike wanna, like come ‘round here for?”

“Don’t know,” Buffy looked at her sister and frowned; the girl was acting really strangely and kept moving about as if she didn’t want Buffy to see into the room properly. “His coat’s here.”

Buffy held the coat up for Dawn to see.

“Oh-oh, yeah, that!” Dawn turned away from Buffy as a look of concentration passed across her face as if she was thinking really, really hard. “Um, yeah,” if Buffy hadn’t drunk all those beers with Xander she would have heard the cogs going ‘round in Dawn’s brain. “Um, it’s like so not Spike’s coat!”

“It’s not?” Buffy looked at the coat closely, “it sure looks like Spike’s coat,” she sniffed at the coat and made a face, “It even smells like Spike’s.”

“Um, yeah it does,” Dawn smiled uncertainly and took a couple of steps towards Buffy further blocking her view of the living room, “its…it…” Dawn hesitated for a moment before bursting out with, “it belongs to a Spike impersonator!”

“It does?” Buffy looked incredulously at the coat.

“Yeah,” Dawn nodded her head emphatically and took the opportunity to quickly glance over her shoulder, she relaxed a little. “Yeah, Willow and Tara found him and zapped him with their mojo, just left his coat so they brought it here, okay?”

“Oh,” Buffy scratched her head and hung the coat up again, she shrugged, “whatever.”

Yawning Buffy looked at the clock, it was well past everyone’s bed time.

“Come on,” she said stifling another yawn, “time we were both in bed.”

“Y-yeah,” Dawn smiled, “I just gotta do something in the kitchen, I’ll be up in a minute.”

“Okay,” Buffy started to climb the stairs, the beer she’d had was making her feel really sleepy; also she needed to pee.

Halfway up the stairs, Buffy thought she heard someone open the back door.

“Everything alright down there Dawn?” she called.

“Yeah,” Dawn called back, “I’m just putting the cat out.”

“Okay,” as Buffy continued up the stairs as a thought suddenly hit her.

Spike impersonators? Whatever next? Buffy tutted and shook her head in disgust and when had they bought a cat? For a horrified moment Buffy froze on the stairway; Maybe she’d fallen through a portal into one of those pesky alternate realities where they owned a cat! Sighing tiredly, Buffy continued up the stairs, she was too tired now; she’d deal with cats, Spike impersonators and alternate realities tomorrow after a good nights sleep.

_Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see.  
That's a woollen blanket that me mother sent to me.  
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more,  
But buttons in a blanket sure I never have seen before._

0=0=0=0


	3. Chapter 3

**Wednesday.**

_And as I went home on Wednesday night, as drunk as drunk could be.  
I saw a hat up upon the peg where my old hat should be.  
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me,  
Who owns that hat upon the peg where my old hat should be?_

Sleeping late the following morning Buffy didn’t get up until after Dawn had gone to school. Coming downstairs around mid-morning she noticed that the Spike impersonator’s coat had gone; Buffy shrugged, perhaps Dawn had taken it. Whatever, she must remember to thank Willow and Tara for dealing with the Spike impersonator guy. After all you couldn’t have two Spikes running around, that would be way too confusing; she made a mental note to herself to get the full story from Willow and Tara later in the day.

However, things don’t always work out like they should and Buffy found herself cleaning up the house and going shopping for groceries. Before she knew it Dawn had come home from school and immediately disappeared upstairs claiming she had to do homework. Around seven o’clock, Dawn reappeared from out of her room just as Buffy was getting ready to go out.

“You going out again?” Dawn asked nonchalantly as she stood on the bottom stair watching Buffy slip into her jacket and load it down with stakes.

“Yeah,” sighed Buffy, “patrol y’know?”

“Yeah,” Dawn nodded her head, “you gonna be late?”

“Wasn’t planning on it,” Buffy smiled, “why?”

“Oh-oh nothing, no reason,” for some reason Dawn looked disappointed, “you know you don’t have to, like come home early just for me.”

“That’s sweet of you Dawnie,” Buffy smiled it would be nice to have some time with her friends, things had been pretty hectic lately, “if you’re sure?”

“Yeah-yeah,” Dawn gave her sister a wide smile, “you go out and have some fun, I’ll call Janice and she can come over. OH!” Dawn looked really excited now, “Do you mind if she sleeps over?”

“No,” Buffy turned to open the door, “now you’re sure you’ll be okay?” Buffy hovered in the open doorway, “You sure you’d rather I stay at home tonight…I mean no biggy the vamps can wait for once?”

“NO!” Dawn advanced on her sister and almost pushed her out the door, “I’ll be fine. You go…have some fun, give my love to Xander, Willow and Tara.”

Buffy found herself starring at her closed front door; she shrugged her shoulders again and wondered if she’d been like that when she was Dawn’s age.

0=0=0=0

After dusting a couple of vamps, Buffy made her way to the Bronze where, sure enough, she found Willow, Tara and Xander sitting at a table to one side of the room watching the band play up on the stage, she joined them and very soon the four friends were laughing and joking together. Buffy clean forgot to thank Xander for lending Dawn his old bike; she also forgot to ask Willow about the Spike impersonator.

0=0=0=0

It was nearly midnight when Buffy got home, she was feeling very sorry for herself and more than a little woozy. On her way home from the Bronze, Buffy had run into a demon who’d managed to zap her with a spell before she’d killed it. The hex had hit her like a quart of vodka on an empty stomach. She’d felt herself spinning and had started to see double moments before she’d thrown up all over someone’s car. Staggering home like a wino on New Years Eve, she managed to open her front door on the fourth or fifth attempt and stepped into the hall, Buffy sniffed and nearly threw up again; she could smell cigarette smoke.

“Dawn?” she called as she hung onto the wall in the hall.

“BUFFY!?” Dawn rushed out of the living room and into the hall, “You’re home early…oh! You’re drunk again!”

“Not really,” Buffy’s staggered into the living room and flopped down onto the couch by the window; her eyes fell on a lighter and pack of cigarettes lying on the table in front of her. “Have you been smoking?”

“ME!?” Dawn shook her head rapidly, “No, definitely not.”

“Then who do those belong to?” Buffy pointed a finger that wavered accusingly at the cigarettes.

“Ummm,” Dawn looked around the room searching for inspiration, “Janice?”

“Janice smokes?” Buffy asked in amazement, she really couldn’t handle this not now she wanted her bed…well actually she wanted to throw-up again but that’d have to wait

“Uh-huh,” Dawn nodded her head and looked around the room as if searching for other incriminating evidence.

“Does her mother know?” Buffy was disappointed, Janice didn’t seem like the sort of girl to pick up bad habits.

Once again Buffy’s spider sense told her there was something odd going on here, she squinted at her sister and realised what it was.

“You got changed,” Buffy noted Dawn’s new outfit.

When Buffy had gone out earlier, Dawn had been wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Now she was wearing a really short skirt, one of Buffy’s ‘almost see-through’ blouses and if she wasn’t mistaken, stockings and suspenders. Buffy wondered where Dawn had got those, certainly not from her wardrobe, Dawn must have bought them herself. Glancing over towards the fireplace Buffy noticed a pair of her high heels discarded on the rug.

“What’s been going on here?” Buffy demanded pushing herself to her feet.

“Not a lot,” Dawn replied and tried to make a break for the kitchen.

“No you don’t missy,” in a couple of slightly wobbly strides Buffy had caught hold of Dawn’s arm and brought her to a halt. “What the hell’s been going on here?”

“Um,” Dawn tried to look innocent, “nothing?”

“This isn’t nothing,” Buffy ran her finger across Dawn’s check, it came away covered in make-up.

Looking at her finger and then at her sister’s embarrassed and frightened face, Buffy realised what had happened.

“Oh I see,” Buffy smiled and let go of Dawn’s arm.

“You do?” Dawn was close to tears now, “I’m sorry Buffy I didn’t mean for it to happen like…”

“It’s okay,” Buffy put a sisterly arm around Dawn’s shoulder, “it’s all part of growing up and being a teenager.”

“It is!?” Dawn sniffed back her tears and began to think how weirdly her sister was acting.

“Yeah,” Buffy nodded her head and looked deeply into Dawn’s eyes, “you and Janice’ve been dressing up haven’t you?”

“We have?” the light of hope shone in Dawn’s eyes, and she nodded her head vigorously “I mean, yes, we have!”

“Yeah,” Buffy gave Dawn’s shoulder an affectionate squeeze, “I used to do the same sorta thing when I was your age…well maybe a little younger. Whatever, it doesn’t matter, just…” Buffy stood back and looked Dawn up and down, “maybe a little less make up and that outfit is just a little too slutty and those suspenders, well that’s up to you.”

A wave of nausea swept over Buffy and she staggered and clutched hold of Dawn to steady herself.

“I really feel sick,” Buffy groaned, her eye fell on what looked like a motorcycle helmet.

Without thinking Buffy grabbed hold of the helmet and retched into it filling it with the remaining contents of her stomach.

“Oh I’m sorry, Dawn,” Buffy gasped wiping bits of puke from her chin, “I threw up in your helmet,” something bubbled to the surface of her mind rather like something was bubbling to the surface of the contents of the helmet.

“Why do’y need a motorbike helmet?” Buffy looked around uncertainly trying to decide what to do with said helmet and its contents.

“Umm,” Dawn looked heavenward and was rewarded with a revelation, “it’s not a helmet.”

“It’s not?” Buffy looked at the vomit filled container, it had a visor and everything, it was also starting to leak.

“It’s an old chamber pot,” Dawn announced with all the confidence of the really desperate, “I was going to plant flowers in it.”

“You were?” Buffy held the helmet out to Dawn who took a step away from it.

“Uh-huh,” Dawn nodded from a safe distance, “I don’t think I’ll bother now.”

Buffy headed for the kitchen still clutching the helmet, she really needed to wash her mouth out.

“You wanna drink?” she called over her shoulder at the silent and rather stunned figure of Dawn.

“No-no thanks,” Dawn replied, “I think I’ll go to bed now.”

“Okay,” Dumping the helmet and its contents into the sink, Buffy filled a glass of water and rinsed out her mouth. Feeling better she called, “good night.” 

Feeling something under her foot, Buffy looked down distractedly and picked up a discarded item of clothing that had been lying on the floor. She recognised almost immediately for what it was, a pair of Dawn’s panties. What’d they been doing lying on the kitchen floor, she wondered, she smiled, of course, obviously Dawn must have been bringing them downstairs to put in the washing machine and dropped them. Thinking what a helpful girl Dawn could be when she wanted to, Buffy put them into the washing machine; made a drink and went up to bed.

_Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see.  
That's a lovely chamber pot that me mother left for me.  
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more.  
But a sweatband on a chamber pot sure I never have seen before._

0=0=0=0


	4. Chapter 4

**Thursday.**

_And as I went home on Thursday night, as drunk as drunk could be.  
I saw two boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be.  
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me.  
Who owns them boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be?_

Now this was getting silly, Buffy staggered across the road, bounced off a lamppost and ricocheted back across the street and nearly tripped over the curb. Stumbling to a halt, she stood up as straight as she could, took a deep breath and put her best foot forward. Unfortunately her best just wasn’t good enough as she tripped over her own feet and went flying. Sprawled in the street, she tried to stand up, failed and sat down heavily on her butt.

Sitting in the road (luckily there was no traffic) Buffy started to cry quietly; life was a bitch and so unfair. It wasn’t her fault that she was drunk and incapable again; circumstances had conspired against her. Once again she tried to stand, half way up she decided that it wasn’t a good idea and sat back down again. Wiping a big tear from her cheek with the back of her hand, she started to crawl along the road.

The night had started well enough, she’d met Willow and Xander at the Bronze. They’d gone on patrol together around the grave yard, it’d been like old times when life had been simpler. Finally, Buffy had decided to take a swing by ‘Willie’s’ on her way home. To her shock she found the place open for business. Willie had got out of hospital and reopened his bar, Buffy swung into action by closing it down again and that’s where things had started to get out of hand.

Of course there’d been a fight as soon as she’d walked into the place. Pausing in her crawl home, Buffy thought that the fight had probably started before she’d arrived, she’d just got caught up in the fallout. Whatever; there had been a particularly big demon who’d punched her and sent her flying across the room. Her flight had been brought to an untimely halt by the bar counter, she’d bounced off the counter to land flat on her back in front of the bar

Just as she’d opened her mouth to groan a bottle on top of the bar had taken just that moment to fall over and deposit its contents into her open mouth. After that, Buffy’s recollections of what had happened next had become a little fuzzy to say the least. The number of demons in the bar had appeared to have doubled or even tripled. They’d also got really difficult to hit as the room kept swaying violently from side to side. Whatever else had happened she must have won because she was still alive and not seriously injured.

Pausing in her crawl, Buffy looked up; she recognised this piece of road and it didn’t take her too long to work out she was crouched outside her own house. Crawling over to a lamppost she clutched hold of it and pulled herself to her feet. Squaring her shoulders she started to head for her front door only to trip over a carelessly discarded motorbike, followed by a carton of cigarettes and a garden rake. Fighting her way through this obstacle course she finally made it to the front door, where she tripped over a cat.

“Sorry, kitty,” Buffy called after the rapidly departing creature.

Opening the door, after about a five minute struggle with her keys and the keyhole (for a while there it had been touch and go who would win, in the end the slayer triumphed…just). Buffy opened the door and just managed to catch the tin can full of nuts and bolts that’d seemed to be wedged in such a way as it would fall over when someone pushed opened the door.

“SSSSSSSH!” Buffy held her finger to her lips as she carefully put the tin down; if it’d fallen over it would have woken the dead. For some reason Buffy found this hilariously funny and had to sit on the floor for awhile until she’d stopped giggling.

Staring up at the stairs, after wiping the tears of mirth from her eyes, Buffy thought better of trying to climb them while she was, more or less, upright so she started up them on her hands and knees. For some reason she found this hysterically funny too and had to stop half way up until the bout of giggles had past. Completing her assent of the north face of 1630 Revello Drive, Buffy pulled herself to her feet.

A thought floated to the surface of her drink sodden mind like a week old corpse from a swamp; where was Dawn? Normally Dawn would be up to welcome her sister home, but not it seemed, tonight. Buffy frowned; she’d better check in on her and make sure she was all right. Buffy bounced from one side of the corridor to the other as she made her way towards Dawn’s bedroom. Not bothering to knock she opened the door a foot or so and looked in. The room was dark but her enhanced slayer eyes still picked up movement over by Dawn’s bed.

“Dawn?” Buffy took a step into the room.

“BUFFY!” screamed Dawn sitting up and holding the sheet up around her neck.

“Oh bloody hell,” came a vaguely familiar male voice from the darkness on the other side of Dawn’s bed.

“WHAT…” Dawn was incandescent with rage, or so Buffy thought, “W-what are you doing bursting into my room like that?”

By now Dawn had wrapped the sheet around herself and was trying to hustle Buffy out of her room.

“Sorry, Dawnie-warnie,” Buffy drunkenly tried to placate her sister, “but, like you didn’t come down when I came home.”

Buffy tried to focus on her angry sister’s face and quickly gave up, Dawn was now standing only a foot or so away from her and was still trying to push her out the room. Suddenly Dawn stopped pushing and sniffed.

“You’ve been drinking again,” she pointed an accusing finger at her sister, “how dare you come home all liquored up and burst into my room!”

“Sorry,” Buffy hung her head in shame, “I was worried, I just wanted to…hey who owns those boots?”

Buffy pointed to the pair of boots that sat on the floor next to Dawn’s bed. Gasping, Dawn turned and looked at the damning footwear.

“Um, w-what boots?” Dawn replied hoping her sister was really, really drunk, “I can’t see any boots.”

“Look!” Buffy frowned and pointed harder, “Right there…boots…men’s boots too,” Buffy turned her inebriated gaze on Dawn, “You got a boyfriend in here, haven’t you!?”

“NO!” Dawn went back to trying to remove Buffy by brute force alone, she failed.

“Come on,” Buffy tried to push past Dawn; luckily for Dawn, Buffy was so drunk that she made a complete hash of it and found herself back in the doorway again after a great deal of sister on sister pushing and shoving. “Where is he? What have you been doing?”

“There’s no one here!” insisted Dawn as she almost lost her sheet; Buffy noticed that Dawn appeared to be naked under her sheet; a little voice at the back of Buffy’s mind tried to point out the possible significance of this fact.

“So where did those boots come from, huh!?” Buffy demanded once more; she thought she could see something pale and guy-like climb out the window; but that could wait until she solved the mystery of the boots.

“Umm,” Dawn hesitated for a moment before she was struck by an idea. “HA!” she pointed a finger triumphally at her sister, “They’re so not boots!”

“Not boots?” Buffy looked again at the possible footwear, “They, totally look like boots to me.”

“Ah, but they’re not,” Dawn explained, “they’re…they’re…um, Geranium pots.”

“Gerani-ani-amie-um-um Bots?” Buffy frowned really hard at the boots trying to see them as aids to the cultivation of Geraniums.

“No ‘pots’,” Dawn corrected as she gained confidence, “Tara gave them to me…they’re for a school project.”

“They are?” Buffy shook her head, there was something wrong here.

There was something weird going on, why would Dawnie say they were plant pots if they weren’t? Perhaps that stuff she’d drunk was giving her hallucinations.

“But they’ve got laces in them!” Buffy protested as she was bundled out of the door.

“Go to bed and sleep it off,” Dawn told her sister to the accompaniment of a slamming door.

“But…” Buffy looked up at the closed door and sighed; she turned and started to head for her own room, “…I’m sure they had laces…” Buffy muttered as she stumbled into her own room and collapsed onto her bed.

_Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see.  
They're the two lovely Geranium pots that me mother gave to me.  
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more.  
But laces in Geranium pots sure I never have before_

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	5. Chapter 5

**Friday.**

_And as I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be,  
I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be.  
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me,  
Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be._

“Bye!” Dawn waved goodbye to Buffy as she walked on down the drive heading for Xander’s apartment.

The day had seemed to crawl by as Dawn waited for Buffy to leave. After the fright of almost being discovered the night before, Dawn had been surprised when Buffy hadn’t mentioned the boots under her bed during breakfast. It was quite likely that Buffy had been so drunk the night before that she’d forgotten all about the incident. However, it hadn’t really helped and Dawn felt like she’d been walking on eggshells all day.

Having a couple of days off work, Buffy, in an unusual display of trust agreed to leave Dawn home alone while she went to some rock concert with Xander, Willow and Tara. She’d told Dawn that she’d be home the following morning and if there were any problems to call her on her cell if it was really urgent; like there were monsters climbing in through the windows she should call Spike. Buffy had looked at her sister strangely when Dawn had burst out laughing at this suggestion.

Waiting at the door, Dawn watched as Buffy disappeared down the street, slowly she closed the door and walked into the living room where she sat down and fidgeted. She was determined not to be caught out again; it would just be like Buffy to have ‘forgotten’ something and have to come back. This week had been weird in more ways than one and Buffy’s sudden and enthusiastic interest in alcohol was possibly the weirdest. After five minutes or so, Dawn decided she’d waited long enough, standing up she made her way into the kitchen. Opening the back door she looked out into the dusk shrouded back yard.

“Spike?” she called quietly; there was no reply, “Spike?” she called a little louder, “Spi…!”

Suddenly he was at her side, putting his arms around her body he pulled her close. His lips sort out hers and they kissed passionately there on the back porch.

“Oh Spike!” gasped Dawn as their lips parted.

“You sure that bloody sister of yours has really pissed off?” Spikes eyes darted from side to side as they sort out any sign of the elder Summers sister.

“Yeah she’s like way gone,” Dawn smiled dreamily up into Spike’s face, “she won’t be back until morning.” She grinned impishly, “We’ve got all night.”

“Good,” Spike lowered his head and kissed Dawn roughly on the lips, she moaned with desire as his hands roamed over her body. “Come on lets get inside.”

Pushing Dawn back into the house, Spike allowed himself a small smile of triumph. His pride had been majorly dented when he and Buffy had broken up after their short but torrid affair. As he’d been brooding in his crypt the thought had struck him; if he couldn’t have one of the Summers’ sisters he could have the other. After all, Dawn already liked him and she wasn’t so bad looking in a young, innocent sort of way. After all wasn’t he supposed to be evil and bad? What was more evil and bad than screwing the slayer’s little sister? It would also help raise his stock in the ‘evil community’; his reputation had been taking something of a battering over the last couple of years.

It had been surprisingly easy for him to find the appropriate love spell and charm. Nothing too over the top like that time he’d found himself engaged to the slayer. Just something to make the girl compliant and open to suggestion; when he’d first tried the spell it was so subtle that he thought it wasn’t working. However after a couple of days Dawn was willing, eager even, to perform even the most depraved acts for her lover. Doing it under the nose of the slayer was also a big turn on, although having to go home ‘stark, bullock naked’ the night before had wounded his pride a little. But tonight would make up for it, what he had planned for Buffy’s little sister even made him shudder.

“Come on, luv,” Spike pulled Dawn by the wrist towards the stairs leading up to the bedrooms, “let’s get started. No time to waste, y’know?”

0=0=0=0

Hanging on to the lamp post for support, Buffy sighed miserably. The night had been a complete disaster; first Xander’s car had broken down miles from anywhere. Willow had wanted to magic it right again which had started an argument between her and Tara about how much magic Willow was using lately. The argument had grown into a full blown row and ended with Tara stalking off into the night and Willow disappearing in a puff of brightly coloured smoke.

This left Xander and Buffy with the immobile car somewhere on a back road miles from Sunnydale. They’d started to walk until they came to a motel where they’d been able to call for a taxi. Wanting to salvage something from the night, Buffy had agreed to Xander’s suggestion of coming back to his place. ‘Just for one beer’, he’d said. But one beer had turned into two, then three, then four. Somewhere around number seven, Buffy had lost count. It was also somewhere around the seventh beer that Buffy had jumped on Xander and pleaded with him to have sex with her.

“Don’t say you don’t think about doing it with me!” she’d cried as she’d dragged her struggling friend towards his bedroom.

Resisting manfully for all of thirty seconds, Xander finally submitted to Buffy’s amorous advances. Afterwards they lay in bed together feeling guilty…then they did it again in an attempt to assuage their guilt. It didn’t help so ten minutes after that they tried once more. Eventually, still feeling guilty and more than a little drunk, she’d climbed from Xander’s bed put on her clothes, had one last beer and started out for home.

Letting go of the lamppost, Buffy stumbled along the street towards home. Her mind was full of thoughts about how she was going to face Xander in the morning, she hardly noticed staking the vampire that jumped out at her just in front of her house. By the time she’d got indoors, Buffy had started to sober up. Pulling out her door key from her pocket she slid it into the lock at the first attempt.

Opening and closing the door quietly, Buffy made her way across the hall and up the stairs; she didn’t want to have to face Dawn, not tonight, not with all the guilt sitting on her like a very large pink elephant. She didn’t need to switch the lights on as she made her way towards her bedroom door. Something registered as her hand reached out to open her door; there was light coming from under her door, she must have left her bedside light on or something.

Buffy, turned the door handle and walked into her room; there on the floor knelt a naked Dawn; standing over her was an equally naked Spike.

“DAWN!?” Buffy screeched, going for her stake.

“MUF-HEE!” Dawn mumbled, seeing her sister standing in the doorway like a short, vengeful, blonde goddess.

“Oh fucking hell!” Spike groaned as he now realised that ‘doing’ Dawn in Buffy’s bedroom wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Flying through the air with unerringly accuracy, Buffy’s stake hit its target squarely in the chest to piece the heart; an instant later Spike turned to ashes in Dawn’s mouth.

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Looking at her sister across the breakfast table, Buffy frowned; Dawn noticed the look on her sister’s face and paused in her early morning mastication.

“Like, what’s up?” she asked, cereal loaded spoon half way to her mouth.

“I’ve had some really weird dreams this week,” Buffy shook her head as if trying to rid it of the images that were playing in her mind.

“I hope they weren’t some of your totally weird slayer dreams,” Dawn munched her way through another mouthful of sugar frosted cardboard.

“So do I,” Buffy couldn’t help but shudder, what if they’d been prophetic? “It had you in them.”

“Me?” Dawn watched her sister eager to hear more.

“Yeah, and in a starring role,” again Buffy gave an involuntary shiver.

“Tell-me,” Dawn demanded, “did I like, totally save the world?”

“Um, no,” Buffy shook her head and started to wish she’d never brought the subject up, “not so much.”

“Oh, go on Buffy tell me,” Dawn insisted, she stared at her sister her eyes wide with dismay. “OH! It was something totally gross wasn’t it?”

“NO!” Buffy insisted a little too emphatically, “Not really…not…” Buffy tried to change the subject, “Isn’t it time you were on your way to school?”

“School doesn’t start for another couple of weeks yet,” angrily Dawn stood up and took her bowl to the sink and tipped the remains of her breakfast down the drain. “Oh, Buffy please tell me,” she pleaded, “W-what if it was prophetic and I totally do whatever it is I do because you didn’t tell me?”

“Look,” Buffy stood up and walked over to her sister, “I’m sure it wasn’t prophetic and I’m sure you’d never do anything like that…I have complete faith in you…” Buffy remembered the previous Halloween when she’d found Dawn dating a vampire boy. “Mostly,” she added after a moments thought. “Just…you’ve not seen Spike around have you?”

“Spike?” Dawn gave Buffy a puzzled look, “It was something about me and Spike?” 

Slowly the penny dropped through the molasses of Dawn’s mind.

“OH GOD! NO!” Dawn’s hand flew to her mouth as she turned deathly pale, “You dreamt me and Spike did…oh Buffy how could you!?”

Dawn ran from the kitchen and headed towards her bedroom.

“DAWN!” Buffy called after her sister as she followed her out into the hall, “It was only a dream.”

There was an indistinct mumble from upstairs followed by the sound of a slamming door. Buffy shrugged her shoulders before heading towards the front door and going out to collect the newspaper. As she bent to pick up the newspaper she noticed something parked in the drive where her mother used to park the SUV.

“DAWN!” Buffy shut the door behind her as she glanced at the front page of the paper, “Whose bike is that on the drive?”

As if by magic, Dawn appeared at the top of the stairs.

“It’s Xander’s,” Dawn replied in a rush, “he leant it to me, he so doesn’t use it anymore.”

“That’s cool,” Buffy was only half listening to Dawn’s explanation as she continued on through the house reading the front page of the paper, “just be sure you thank him properly.”

0=0=0=0

Watching as her sister disappeared into the kitchen, Dawn made her way back up to her room. Closing her door quietly she locked it before going over to her jewellery box and taking out the pendant she’d taken from the Magic Box months before. She’d only recently found out what it was used for.

Holding it up in her hand she watched the light reflect from the facets of the gem held within the setting; she giggled with a mixture of fear and anticipation.

“Don’t worry,” Dawn smiled to herself, “I’ll be sure to thank Xander…properly…”

THE END.

Highlight and right click to hear The Dubliners sing ‘Seven Drunken Nights’.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dB7P97xo-Go&feature=fvw


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